the only one that truely knew him
by fillinwhittynameHERE
Summary: end of book 5 harry has just been given his destiny to defeat voldemort. he decides to fight voldemort no instead of later. he leaves behind who he truely is with the least likely person. AU after book 5. Chapter 3 has been re posted.
1. Chapter 1

The only one that truly knew him

By fillinwhittynameHERE

Harry had just found out his destiny from Dumbledore and knew what he had to do. Quickly he gathered everything he would need and headed down to professor snape's office. He knocked on the door and entered after he heard the "enter" from within. Quickly, without saying a word he placed his wand, point towards him on snape's desk in front of the man.

Snape couldn't believe it he never would have guessed it was potter on the other side of the door after the disastrous occlumency lessons. Also he couldn't believe potter would hand over his wand, which was the greatest act of submission in the wizarding world. He would've thought potter to be messing with him had he not seen his bowed head.

"What do you need Mr. Potter?"

"I just found out it is my destiny to defeat voldemort but before I can I had to give you something."

"Your wand?"

"No something else but first I must tell you a story. Long ago when I was around five a apparition of a woman and a man appeared before me. They told me I was to compile certain objects and bring them to you when the time was right. They said I would know when to bring them to you. This is my last chance seeing as I am over 50% positive I will not return from my confrontation with voldemort. I gave that to you because I knew if I did you would listen to me. Before I give you what I am supposed to give you I must first give you a letter. If after reading the letter you accept then I must meet with you to give you the rest. I know I have never, in all the years I have been your student, given you a reason to trust me but please just this once." With that he walked to the door.

"Wait Mr. Potter your wand."

"Keep it until we meet."

"But what if I don't agree after reading this letter?"

"Then please return my wand. Thank you professor for everything you've done for me both the obvious and the not so obvious."

After harry left Snape sat down and read the letter:

"Dear professor snape,

If your reading this then it means you have put some trust in me for that I must say thank you. First know that everything in this letter is entirely the truth. Next I must apologize for everything I have said or done to or about you. Then I must apologize for the, as I have named it, pensive incident. I realize you have no reason to forgive me and I truthfully do not expect you to nor do I blame you for not forgiving me, I have yet to forgive myself. Know that I have only shared the incident with two other people, Sirius black and Remus lupin. Know that I only did this to gain a reason why they did it and I must say my efforts were futile. They wrote it off as immaturity and the fact that you were and truthfully still are rivals. This is no excuse I am rivals with malfoy but would never do something like this to him. Then again maybe I would've if I had grown up big headed like my father and his friends. I guess I can thank the dursleys for something.

You see the dursleys are afraid of what they can't understand, like many people, but unlike many others they took this fear and converted it to anger. They convinced themselves that if they were to 'beat the freakishness out of me' they would have nothing to worry about. Everyone says I am so much like my father but I think I am more like that ravenclaw whose parents weren't, what's the phrase they used oh right, 'adequate guardians'. I am not telling this to you so you can feel sorry for me no I am telling you this so that you may see the difference between James potter the jerk and harry potter the boy the wizarding world conveniently forgot about. I know that there is no reason for you to help me but I ask that you do. What I'm asking of you will be hard I can assure you that. You must know that once you start you can't stop. I am asking you to take a journey through my life. For you see I know I am going to die and I would like for one person to have known the REAL harry potter not the one that is at Hogwarts now. For I can assure you he is nothing but a mask and you know all about masks. I know you are wondering why I chose you well I figured you were never blinded by the boy-who-lived although you were blinded by James Potter. I think that you will be able to handle my life objectively. I think you will be the only one able to truly know me.

Thank you for reading this,

Harry potter."

Snape didn't know what to think if you had told him this letter would be sent from harry potter a week ago he wouldn't have believed you but after seeing the boy in his office maybe, just maybe, the letter and the boy have some merit. He did know one thing though he was going to talk to potter.

*few days later. Snape's office.*

"I've decided Mr. Potter to do it."

"You mean it professor?"

"Yes Mr. Potter you seem genuinely serious and I will admit that I am curious about your life."

"Well then I wish you the best of luck figuring out who harry potter truly is. Oh and professor I ask that when I'm gone you write something simple that truly reflects me." With that Harry Potter walked out his most hated professor's door. Later it would be discovered that harry potter had disappeared. That he went to go face voldemort but no one knew when or if he would return. Nothing was heard from him, nor was there any news about the war. But for professor snape the only questions on his mind were what is in the package left for him from harry, for he knew he would never be able to call him 'potter' again. The second thing was what harry meant when he said "I ask that when I'm gone you write something simple that truly reflects me." He wouldn't figure out just what harry meant when he said this for a long time.


	2. Chapter 2

The only one that truly knew him

Chapter 2

fillinwhittynameHERE

THIS IS DEDICATED TO GUEST WHO ASKED FOR A HAPPY ENDING. WELL IT ISN'T THE END BUT IT IS SOMEWHAT HAPPY.

Snape had waited and waited until Christmas holidays. He knew this was the only time he could look through the box. He sat down in his office and opened the box the first thing he saw was a letter that said 'read me' on the front. Snape picked up the letter and thought 'here goes nothing', he opened the letter and read:

"Professor Snape,

I'm just going cut to the chase and say that I recommend you lay in bed for the first part of this. In this letter I have placed the initial instructions. I will go into detail about the other instructions later.

First off you will be receiving my memories of my life. These will only be able to be watched when you are in a specific location. To find this location you must read the notes given, but I will get into that later. You will travel to different locations to get some understanding of the memories you see. You can take as long as you like to view all the memories but I ask that you finish before the end of the school year. Know this professor once you receive the memories you MUST watch ALL of them.

Now on to the notes which are also the instructions I spoke of earlier. These notes will appear to you after you have seen the one before them and when you understand what the memory means somewhat. I should say when you draw your conclusions about the memory because you will not be able to understand the memories full until you see them all. See an old friend of mine, who you will meet, once told me that a person's memories are a roadmap through their life but the destination is only clear when you get there. As I write this letter I slowly start to understand what they meant.

With thought I must say good luck and goodbye. Sincerely,

Harry potter

The boy-who-survived"

Snape then looked into the box again and saw another note and a vial of a potion he had never seen. The note seemed to have no opening so he looked to the vial.

'Harry's memories' he realized.

With that thought he drank the potion. He felt his mind completely rearranging to fit the new memories. After the sensations stopped he saw the note had gained an opening. He opened the note and read it.

"Number 1

We will start in the place all of this started. We are going to number 15 godrics hallow. Good luck to you professor, you're goanna need it."

Snape considered his options and decided going now would be in his best interests. He quickly left Hogwarts and apparated to Godrics hallow. He quickly went to number 15 and saw the house in ruins. He knew there had been an explosion so he was not shocked, until he touched the gate.

SHOULD I LEAVE IT HERE?

NO? OK

When he touched the gate the house seemed to rebuild and it turned to day time. With a jolt he realized this was the first memory. The house was simple yet seemed to admit a sense of love and comfort. The front yard was neat yet had toys for a young child thrown around. There were balls and a stuffed animal or two as well as a table on a porch with chairs and a baby seat as well. The house windows were open and there were flowers in the box under the window. Suddenly a motorcycle pulled up and two men got off. They were met at the door by a man, women, and a baby in the mother's arms. They were the pi8cture of a perfect family and snape realized that these were the potters. He also realized this is how things would've been if everything hadn't gone wrong. Suddenly snape heard a 'pop' that was a cross between house elves' and apparition. When he looked over he saw a young boy around the size of a two year old but when he looked into the boy's eyes he saw the soul of a man that had suffered.

"Professor Snape?" the boy asked. He had the voice and speech patterns of a five year old that had grown up to quickly. The same way he was sure he sounded at that age.

"Yes, I would assume you were potter at age 2."

"Actually I'm 5 but yes. You see this is the age I was when I was first told to compile these memories. I'm surprised I thought for sure you would've asked how I remember this well the answer is simple I have a photographic memory."

"This seems to be a good memory but what are you doing here. I have been tasked with guiding you through these memories and to help you understand them and your feelings." With that he looked longingly at the house.

"Would you like to watch the memory first potter?" Snape didn't understand why he offered to watch the memory for he truly wanted to move on. There were too many unfulfilled wishes associated with this type of memories.

They stood in silence as they watched the adults talk. As the males moved to the yard to play with the baby, harry followed them with his eyes. Out of nowhere, it seemed, harry started to speak.

"You know many wouldn't want to watch this for they would feel sorry for both the family and me. But I realized awhile ago that I'm happy for them, because even in times of war they are able to be happy. I like to watch this memory and remember my parents, because no matter what anybody says they were great people. Don't feel sorry for me professor for I am truly ok."

"I was not actually thinking of you but of myself."

"Yes I bet you wished for this many times."

"How did you…" "I am in your mind professor" "right" with that they turned back to the memory.

"Why would you be happy with this potter? You will never have this."

"No but when people are teasing me about being an orphan or I feel lonely I can look at this memory and know I am never alone. For they live in my memories and in my heart. I miss them so much professor but I look at the life they tried to give me for awhile and I realized they would want me to keep living. So I do and one day I will have a house just like this."

"I don't think many would see it that way but at the same time I can understand your point. But I have a question. Are you happy harry?"

"Yes because I have a family professor. It may not be this family," he said nodding to the family going inside, "but they're my family. And I know they are what this family would want for me."

"I use this memory professor I so never forget two things. First is my first family and then the fact that they would want me to be happy."

Suddenly the memory ended and snape found himself staring at the ruins of Godrics hallow.

"I get it now potter. Why you are never sad on your birthday or how you can seemingly replace your parents. You aren't doing either you're taking their memory and moving towards a brighter future with it. Just what your parents would want for you." With that another note appears. Snape picks it up and the only thought going through his head is 'here goes nothing'.


	3. Chapter 3

Snape looked at the envelope and wondered just what he would find. He opened the note and read the next instructions.

"Number 2

The most obvious stop for us to go, if we are going in chronological order which we are, would be to where my mother died. I considered it but decided that everyone already knows that story so there is no point in telling it. Our next stop will be to where 'freak' was born. Just hold on to the parchment and say 'freak's birth' and it will take you there. It's up to you to figure out how the memory works. Good luck.

Harry potter

The boy-who-survived"

With that snape spoke the password and off he went. He landed in the front garden of a muggle home. Snape found that he was at number 4 private drive. 'Potter's muggle relatives live here' he realized with a jolt. He opened the front gate with trepidation wondering if that would start the memory. He quickly walked up to the front door. When his feet made contact with the door step he was pulled into the memory. He saw a fat walrus man and a horse-faced woman cooing over a baby walrus while a tiny baby that looked nothing like the family looked on sadly. When he stepped closer he realized he was looking through the door into what seemed to be the living room with the young boy, who he realized must be harry, stood in the doorway. He watched as the parents praised the walrus boy for taking horribly unsteady steps. While this was going on memory harry started to walk into the room on steady feet as though he had learnt to walk years ago.

"Uncle Vernon," memory harry said quietly, "look I've gotten better at reading."

"Trying to show up my Dudley are you freak!"

"No uncle freak would never try to show up Dudley he know that Dudley is better than him."

"The freak should know then that he deserves to be punished?"

"Yes uncle of course uncle." Snape couldn't believe people would do this to their own nephew. Snape wanted nothing more than to go in there and throw the muggle, who was now beating memory harry, into the wall.

"There is nothing you can do," snape whipped around to see the five year old harry standing there, "you must remember that this is just a memory. I'm probably a little under two years old at the time. I wanted to impress the dursleys so that maybe they would love me to. This wasn't the first time something like this happened and sadly it won't be the last. It seemed it would take me a lot longer to learn that this family would never accept me but learn I did. It's partially his fault but I could never blame him." He had said all this while never taking his eyes off of memory harry who was still being beaten. Suddenly the beating stopped and memory harry was thrown into a broom cupboard.

"Before you ask my uncle force me to refer to myself as freak when being punished or discussing punishment. And I used to live in that cupboard until I got my Hogwarts letter, so in a twisted sense dursley was 'sending me to my room'.

"I don't understand why you would show me this harry."

"Don't you? Admit it professor no matter what I write in my letters to you, you will always have the belief that I am pampered so I must ask you professor am I? It's ok professor it took me a long time to see the truth about me professor."

"And what truth would that be potter."

"That harry potter isn't real, that he died that Halloween night. You see professor everyone sees who they want to see not who I am if I am anybody at all. The wizarding world saw their savior in a little boy, Ron weasley and Hermione granger saw a ticket to money and fame, the teachers see a boy who gets into trouble just like his father and a Gryffindor, the headmaster sees his pawn, voldemort sees his true greatest enemy, the dursleys see a freak, and you professor you see James potter reincarnated but that might not be true anymore is it?" harry said with no emotion in his voice.

"And you potter what do you see?"

"I see a boy that was never given a chance but professor we aren't here for me to draw conclusions but for your conclusions so go on tell me."

"I think you're right you weren't given a chance. It's hard to see such childish innocence beaten out of a child. To be able to read before you were two Merlin. You were a prodigy potter but your relatives didn't see that. I think you were right in your initial letter. Your relatives were afraid and seeing you being able to do things that weren't 'normal' sent your relatives over the proverbial edge. But I don't know who to feel sorry for more you or your cousin. You were abused and ridiculed but at least you stopped trying to help and be part of this family but on the other hand your cousin grew up thinking this was right. That it was normal to pick on another child and to call your own family 'freak'. The truth is I would wish neither life on a child for they both destroy innocence."

"Yes it took me awhile to realize that Dudley was a victim in a sense here to. After that I stopped hating him as much. I still hated him because he could've figured out that this was wrong when we went to school and saw that other kids weren't treated like this but at the same time he was basically brainwashed. You should know professor that that was the reason I chose you. Most people would see only me suffering but never see Dudley which is kind of ironic in this, and most dursley memories, but you, you are completely objective in looking at my life. I hope you can continue to do so, come let's move on." With that a note appeared at snape's feet. He opened it with slight fear wondering what could be coming next.

"Number 3

Many of these will be in and around private drive. Now we will take time to see a day in the life of the boy named 'freak'. We won't be traveling far just a couple of feet after this memory I would recommend stopping. You don't have to but this is going to give you a lot to think about seeing as you're going to see a whole new twist on the word 'house-elf' with that I will let you go. Good luck professor

Harry potter

The boy-who-survived"

'The next one is only a few feet away what does that mean potter' snape looked around the room 'what could be a few feet away that could have any meaning.' He had realized that every point that started the memory had a significant meaning. The gate which leads to the house and what should've been. The doorstep where Dumbledore probably left him. But he had no clue what; suddenly he stopped the cupboard where potter used to live. He strode over there and opened the door to find nothing. 'What the hell this should've been it' snape then turned around to leave when he was suddenly sucked into a memory. The kitchen suddenly was filled with the light of early morning. According to the clock on the wall it was 5:55 in the morning. Snape sensed someone on the stairs. When he looked over he saw a memory version of harry who seemed to be muttering something. Snape leaned closer and heard him muttering 'I'm late I'm late please don't let him know that I'm late' snape had a suspicion that he knew who memory harry was talking about. Memory harry quickly started breakfast and the coffee. Exactly an hour later memory harry set the table and not five minutes later, at 7 o clock, the dursleys came down. First petunia came down and inspected the delicious looking meal 'it'll do freak' 'thank you aunt petunia'. Next came down the walrus, who it seems had gotten even fatter, who kissed his wife and sneered at his nephew. Then petunia went upstairs and then came back down. Five minutes later stomping could be heard that sounded like the ceiling above was going to cave in and a small whale walked into the room. Without looking at anyone he sat down and served himself half the food on the table it seemed, and there was enough to feed a family of 10 for probably 3 days. While the family ate memory harry stood in the corner sometimes getting things for the family when ordered to. 'A slave' was snape's first thought then he realized that he wasn't a slave but a _house-elf _he then looked up when he heard the walrus, I mean uncle, speaking ,more like yelling, to his nephew about chores and not eating. Then memory harry was handed a piece of muggle parchment, paper, when he heard the distinctive 'pop' of his "guide".

"That piece of paper was a list of chores for me to do. I got one every day with the threat of no food and a beating."

"What type of chores?"

"Why don't you read it for yourself." With that the memory seemed to freeze and he summoned the paper which he quickly handed to snape. It read:

"Vacuum the whole house

Dust the whole house

Clean parlor

Mow the front yard

Trim hedges

Pull garden weeds

Go to the store and buy food for veal with potatoes and a garden salad

Clean kitchen

Clean bathrooms"

"You had to do all of that in a week?"

"No I had to do all of that in a day."

"You're wrong potter you weren't treated like a house-elf, you were treated even worse. That would explain why when you do any sort of cleaning for detention whatever you clean looks brand new. But what I don't understand is if you are so good at cooking then why are you so dismal at potions."

"That professor will be explained in-depth later but I will give you a partial answer now professor. I was never given a chance professor. So let's dissect a memory, what do you think how does this tie into the harry potter roadmap?"

"I think that you were treated worse than crap but you gained a great skill from it; adaption. I think you used this skill on all of your adventures. I also think that you weren't resentful of them back then I mean how could you be it was all you knew but as you said you knew this was wrong. But I think you kept at it anyway because you liked the power it gave you. You controlled the order of your relatives lives even though they could and did beat you for messing up weither on accident or on purpose the reprocussions on their 'perfect and normal' life could be greater. And I also think they knew this as well but figured, and hoped that you didn't. but what I don't understand is why you aren't a slytherin gryffindors aren't known for their adaption skills."

"Good job professor you seemed to piece everything together nicely so far but you still have a long way to go. And you will gain your answers in time but like I said you have a long way to go. Now lets leave the dursleys to their breakfast."

With that snape was back in the dark hallway and at his feet appeared the next note. 'you know what potter I'm going to take your advice and go to bed' he then apparated to Hogwarts where he was met by the headmaster.

"Where were you?"

"I had some matters to attend to. I'm actually going to have to leave the castle for periods of time. It'll probably go on until the end of the school year at the most."

"When will you tell me what you are doing?"

"Probably when I'm done if the person I'm doing this for says I can plus I don't even think you would believe me anyways. If you'll excuse me professor I'm going to retire for the night." With that snape went to sleep all the while wondering what he was going to find next in the mystery that is harry potter.


	4. Chapter 4

**The Only One That Truly Knew Him**

**By: fillinwhittynameHERE**

**So apparently I haven't been putting the disclaimer so here goes:**

**I do not own Harry Potter or any other recognizable characters; I don't own anything recognizable from the Harry Potter books and/or movies. They are all owned by J.K. Rowling.**

**I DO own any unrecognizable characters like Miss Lindsey, Carson Preston, and the plot.**

**I re-uploaded chapter 3 in case you didn't read the last one because i hate when authors leave author notes as chapters so i re-posted chapter 3 in the author notes place**

Snape knew he had to go into the next memories soon if he wanted to finish before the end of the school year. He decided to go on a Hogsmede weekend when he wasn't needed. He opened the letter on Friday night after telling the headmaster he would be busy all weekend and he was not to be disturbed. The next note read:

"Number 4,

I think we need to get away from private drive for awhile so why don't we go meet one of my saviors. You see I wasn't alone always, if I had been I would've probably turned into the next dark lord, but oh well. Let's head to a place you'll feel comfortable, my primary school. Have fun professor and remember **things are never as they seem.**

Carson Preston

The boy-who-survived."

Snape quickly realized he had no idea how to get to his next location. 'Dang it Harry, you can never do anything the easy way can you?' he quickly reread the letter seeing nothing wrong with it except that one line 'things are never as they seem, what could it mean? Wait the name its wrong.'

"Carson Preston." And with that Snape was transported to a small muggle primary school. He saw that the school was closed for the night so he quickly unlocked one of the side doors and walked around wondering what would start the memory. He saw a flash of color through a door (**like the small window in a door**) he opened the door and went over to the bulletin board the picture; he had identified this as the flash of color, was attached to. The picture was simple it showed a young boy standing next to a piano. The boy had green eyes and shoulder length raven black hair with emerald green highlights; he wore a black tux with an emerald green vest. He had a small emerald in his right ear. Under the boy were the words 'Carson, the youngest pianist in the world, at the grand hall (**totally made it up**) for the queen.'

'I've heard of him, Snape thought, but why does he seem so familiar?' Snape walked around the room until he got to an old piano, the type that felt well used and loved, and Snape couldn't help him self and went to play the keys, when there was another flash of light and suddenly it was day time. Before him stood the same piano but he was suddenly a few feet away from it. The room was empty although it was clearly day time and by the sounds he could here classes were in session as well as some sort of tour, if the sound of someone explaining the classrooms and overall layout of the school was any thing to go by. Suddenly the door opened and Snape had to remind himself that he wasn't visible because this was a memory. He watched as the young boy, who seemed strangely familiar, opened the piano and touched the keys just as he had been about to do not moments before. The boy then looked around and saw no one in the room; he sat down at the bench and started to play. Snape had never heard anything like it, the young boy, who couldn't be older than 5 or 6, was an amazing player. And if the sound of clapping was anything to go by the teacher who had walked into the room silently while the young boy was playing.

'You're very good.'

'I'm sorry ma'am I shouldn't been touching it, I'm sorry.'

It's alright trust me. How come when I asked if anyone could play an instrument you didn't raise your hand?'

'I'm not supposed to be better at anything then my cousin so no one knows.'

'But surely your relatives know because they had to have paid for the teacher.'

'Teacher ma'am?'

'You've never learned how to play?'

'No ma'am I've only played on a piano a couple of times.'

'Well then why don't we call a friend of mine and see what he says. Because maybe, if he thinks he can, he'll help you get even better. Maybe you can even perform in a couple of years.'

NO, if I do that my relatives will find out and they'll get mad.'

'Well then why don't we make up a fake name for you so you can perform without them knowing and we'll change your look slightly so they won't recognize.'

'What will my name be?' he answer was drowned out by the familiar popping sound that meant his guide was here. As the young Harry walked up to him he couldn't help but notice the similarities between the two potters, they couldn't be more than a year or two apart. As Snape and his guide stood there the woman coaxed the young Harry into playing more for her. Soon the sweet melody of the piano sounded through the room. The noise lowered as the Harry standing next to him started to speak.

'It's sad isn't it how people can miss the most obvious of things, even when said things are staring them in the face.'

'What do you mean?'

'Her name was Miss Lindsey and she was like a mother to me but she never saw the abuse that was staring at her every time we were together.'

'I don't think that's true, like the older you said things are never as they seem. I think she saw the abuse but knew there was nothing she could do, outright at least. So she gave you a new name and a place to stay safe, she gave you a home.'

'You're getting better at this professor, you're right she helped me in more ways then one.'

'I just have one question. What name did she give you?'

'Come on professor you're smart.' And with that Harry turned Snape around and ended the memory. The last thing Severus saw was a bulletin board that was missing a certain poster. He then heard the music die completely and he and the woman that helped to save Harry Potter spoke together:

"Carson."

**Reviews make me want to type more, even though I LOVE typing this story already.**

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